GIVE IT UP
Over this past week, I found myself caught in an overwhelming struggle with doubt and fear. These emotions weighed on me so heavily that I often felt as if I were suffocating under their pressure. It wasn't just a passing feeling or a fleeting moment of weakness, it was a constant, relentless burden that I carried with me, day in and day out.
At times, the weight of it all became so unbearable that I broke down crying, not just once, but several times. Each breakdown left me feeling more helpless than the last. It was as if I was sinking deeper and deeper into a pit of despair, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find a way out.
What made it even more difficult was the fact that I struggled to pray. Prayer, which had once been a source of strength and comfort for me, now felt like an impossible task. It wasn’t that I stopped praying entirely, I still prayed, but not with the same fervor or consistency as before. It wasn’t even close to the commitment I had made with Abba.
Even in my sleep, I could hear His gentle beckoning. His voice, full of love and concern, would call out to me. I heard His admonitions, His reminders to get up and pray, to seek Him in the midst of my struggles. But no matter how clearly I heard His voice, I couldn’t seem to respond. I remained stuck, paralyzed by a spiritual lethargy that I couldn’t break free from.
I knew deep down that if I could just pray, if I could muster the strength to truly connect with God, this weight would become lighter. And yet, despite knowing this truth, I continued to struggle. It was as if something was holding me back, something I couldn’t quite name or understand.
There were nights when the burden became so heavy that it robbed me of sleep. On those nights, I would lie awake, unable to find rest. Eventually, I would cry out to God, wailing and praying for a breakthrough, for a release from the heaviness that enveloped me. And for a brief moment after those prayers, I would feel lighter. There would be a sense of relief, a glimmer of hope. But it never lasted. The weight always returned, pressing down on me once more.
Ironically, the song that I found myself playing over and over again this week was "No Longer Slaves" by Bethel Music. I listened to it on repeat, clinging to its message and hoping that somehow, it would help break the chains of anxiety and fear that had bound me. I wanted it to be more than just a song—I wanted it to be a declaration of freedom, a key to unlocking the peace I so desperately sought.
It wasn’t until later, after much reflection, that I realized why the burden felt so heavy. I had been trying to carry it alone. In my struggle to manage my doubts and fears, I had forgotten a crucial truth: I am not meant to bear these burdens by myself. Somewhere along the way, I had lost sight of the fact that I have a Father who invites me to bring my fears, doubts, and anxieties into His presence.
I had forgotten His promise in Matthew 11:28-30 (NLT):
“Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
In my exhaustion and frustration, I had neglected to stand in the place of prayer with the confidence that God hears and responds. I had forgotten that my prayers, no matter how small or weak they might feel, have the power to tip the scales. Instead of bringing my burdens to God and trusting Him with them, I had been waiting for Him to act while holding on tightly to my fears and doubts.
But in truth, God had been waiting on me. He had been patiently waiting for me to reach a point where I would finally let go, where I would release my tight grip on my anxieties and allow Him to transform them. He wasn’t distant or indifferent to my pain. He was right there, ready to turn my fears and doubts into seeds of faith and hope.
It’s a humbling realization: God isn’t waiting for me to have it all together before I come to Him. He’s simply waiting for me to come. To release. To trust. And when I do, He takes what I offer, no matter how messy or broken, and turns it into something beautiful.
Now, I am reminded that I don’t have to fight this battle alone. I don’t have to carry this weight by myself. My Father is with me, and His yoke is easy, His burden light. All I need to do is come to Him, and in His presence, I will find the rest and freedom I have been longing for.
LYLY🌷
No comments:
Post a Comment